I really suspect i got depression... Keep thinking negative stuffs... Haiz...

Ever since she start to keep mention a guy name... i already start to think "this is bad.. she might run away with him.. Same old story like last time.." But when i see her... i will think this "No worry.. she is not like that... she only treat him as brother.. trust her.." As times go by, she mention his name more and more, like i m totally replace by him... but i still keep quiet and keep telling myself "trust her... she only treat him as brother.." Then, till one day... she got sad because he got some problem... As usual... i always support her to care for the needy one even though i want her attention alot more... But when she say sth like she going to leave me... i exploded... no longer can contain all my emotion... told her everything in that is in my heart.. at de same time... my mind is blank, i just cannot carry on working at all... emo.. is not a gd thing for me to have it back.. but it just been triggered... even though things are looking fine... but for me... things dun feel de same at all.. The secure feeling is missing... and i just feel the space between us is getting bigger and bigger... I no longer know who m i and what should i do... Just when i feel better... Suddenly she say this "If she is a he, I will already choose her liao.." den i reply "den u will not know me liao.." den she replied," i will still know u ar.. as a friend.." This word just shattered my injured heart.. i really dunno what i really should do anymore... i m really confused.. i m lost in this dark space... I really feel... I m just nothing.. Nothing special... Nothing to show people.. Just good for nothing...

I m not rich like her... Cannot buy anything that you like...

I m not clever like him... Can think of ideas to make things romantic..

I m not handsome... just like those idols in drama..

My brain is just too simple.. Whenever i try planned surprise, u will know it...

Whatever i only left with... is just a fragile heart that truly love you..

Haiz... Disappointed with myself... Disappointed with all the things i have done... How should i find back my confidence that i have once lost? Can anyone advise me? I m really really depress... I dun wanna compare myself to other people.. but i really cannot help it... I really need to refresh my mind.. May the god bless me once more...